Sunday, please eat me.

A weekend in the life of an English teacher in Seoul is quite the unique entity. For me, the weekend is a time of release. Usually Friday is the day of rest. The new Sabbath if you will. I get home from work and usually go to sleep. This weekend however, my friend from home came to visit. She arrived in Korea only the night previous and needed somebody to help her settle and I needed somebody to be with to bring some familiarity to home back into my life. So Friday night we went for a drink, had McDonalds and then settled down to go to sleep. I have realized just how much I love sleeping on the floor. It is far more comfortable than most would think. In Korea it is the norm to sleep on the floor. I am considering picking up the new habit so I can convert my bed into a sofa somehow. Regardless of all that, we just relaxed and retired early.

Saturday we woke up and went to Lotte Mart, got some booze and rented some videos, had ice cream and just were absolute vegetables for the day. It was lovely. It was great to just sit around and watch shitty movies and hang out. That night we got all cleaned up and made our way to Itaewon. I wanted to show her the Seoul night life…as well as the part of Seoul that feels the most normal when you are in the height of culture shock and homesickness. We made our way into town. Went to Rocky Mountain Tavern, met up with some friends then were off to Geckos to commence the birthday festivities of Andrea and Abby, two people I met through Clint since being here. There was quite a pack of us out there. It was a fun night. We had some drinks, and chatted for a while then went off to Pollys. The place I was anticipating for the whole night. I love this bar. It sort of reminds me of the Anvil in Wolfville, similar lay out, a bit smaller, but just as dirty. But they have the best drink on Earth. The Kettle. Basically, they take a 2L pop bottle, cut it in half, add 8 shots of Soju, Kool-Aid power and Soda. For 5$ you get hammered off your rear in a matter of minutes. It is quite lovely. So we stayed there, had a kettle and danced the night away. Got home around 4 am (an early night) because I had a wedding to go to the next day.

I got up on Sunday (I hate posts like these) and put on my Ken Doll clothes and made my way to my first Korean wedding. Holy shit. This is so hard to explain. It may be deserving of a new post because I am a tad hung over. Nevertheless, I made it through the spectacle of my first Korean wedding and came home. I hung out with Natalie for the rest of the day and as usual my Sunday melancholy set in.

I hate Sundays. It is the day of the week where I am totally alone. I hate being alone. I get horribly homesick every Sunday. It makes it really hard to be here when I know that once a week it is going to feel like somebody had ripped my heart out and forcefully shoved it down my throat. Every Sunday I walk around with a lump in my throat and tear ducts ready to explode. It may sound ridiculous, but that is how it is. Sunday is my enemy. It makes is really hard to have one day a week where everything you did to make Monday to Saturday good days are thrown out the window. It reminds me of the Greek myth where the person is tied to the rock and everyday the vulture comes and rips out his organs. Every Sunday I feel like everything inside my is ripped out. It is like getting dumped every week.

I sit here every Sunday and wonder what people are doing at home. What is my mom doing? How is she? My father, brothers, Tess, Christina, Liam, Jennifer, Laura, Kyle, Patrick….I have a fountain of thoughts the flood my brain knowing that I am missing out on all these times. Not that I would be included in all of them if I were elsewhere, but I abandon familiarity for novelty and on Sunday familiarity asks for just a moment to come out and be felt and it can’t.

I spend almost every Sunday alone. Totally alone, in my apartment, doing nothing. That is another reason I hate Sunday. I am alone. I hate being alone. I came to Korea so I could get used to being alone. I don’t think it is possible. That scares me. The prognosis of love in my life, family, settling down, and picket fences seem slim. I know I am only 24, but I believe in foreshadowing and I see a life of opportunities missed due to principles. My stupid morals. Because I do the right thing. And it scares the shit out of me because I hate being alone, and I see it as an inevitability. For me loneliness is a fate worse than death. People fear public speaking…I fear being alone, but I face my worst fear every Sunday and after the parties, the traveling, the co-workers are gone…what am I left with? Lonely.

To somebody reading this, I sound like a very selfish person. Bitching and complaining because I have to spend one day alone a week. It is much more than that. I don’t know if I can convey what I mean on a silly internet forum or “blog”, but I think about the future a lot (in true Virgo fashion) and I think about those I love; the woman from home who just lost her husband of more than 50 years, the man who never married and keeps company with a dog, all those people I left behind at home because I decided to try and find my own way somehow and I think…those people I left behind are starting lives, relationships, families, that woman, in her 70s starting over, a life of solitude. I just imagine myself in those situations and it scares me that I see me in a life alone, like the man with the dog, but I don’t know if I can handle it. Just from reading this, I seem like I’ve gone loco and I have spent the day alone…not even the entire day.

I’m to the point where I have no idea what I am saying anymore…I’m going to stop.

Possibly the sweetest night ever/pain in the ass too

On November 10 I went to see Beyonce live in concert! This was quite the experience because at home the biggest names that come around are the locals or country...once in a while somebody big comes to town, but not very often. So...we got our tickets through a friend's friend's boyfriend who is with the USO. SWEET TICKETS! We got VIP seating, approximately 10 rows back from the floor. I was so close that I could actually see her without having to look at the big screens. Close enough that when she did her little squat thingy, I saw panties! It was fantastic! If nothing else, seeing that concert made it worth coming here. She sang new stuff, she did a whole Destiny's Child bit! I can't even really put it into words.

Afterward, I went to Itaewon to meet up with some friends at RockyMountain Tavern (the Canadian bar), had a few drinks bought for me. I think the line of the night happened at Rocky Mountain Tavern when after talking to this girl and her friend, she returns to our seat, looks at Clint and I and says "so I assume we are going to have sex later...where are you going?" It was a hilarious moment...then we left. Got to another bar. Made some one night lesbian friends...finally! some lesbians to hang with! I was going through withdrawl! So...I am with my friend, he finds somebody and leaves me there...but luckily not before i get my cab fare from him haha. I was pissed as ol' hell this morning, but really...i got half my cab paid for and I made it home....I think I am just irritable because I have been sick since I got here. Between the food and the air...this place might kill me...but i got to see Beyonce! whoop whoop!

Time spent alone

I seem to spend an abundance of my time alone in Korea. Usually this would bother be, but I seem to find comfort in knowing that few around me can speak my language and the alone time becomes appreciated. I have a lot of random thoughts when I am alone. Not sure what causes it. It may be the dreamer inside, the sociologist, or sometimes, most times, the regrets I have. Today, Friday night, I sit alone in my apartment. This is a usual Friday night here. The social scene is surprisingly like Halifax, relax and do something fun on Friday night and Saturday night you throw your inhibitions to the bottle and act like a baboon. So, back to the point. I was thinking tonight. If I had a soundtrack to my life what would it be? I am not sure where this thought came from. I guess it is partly due to the fact that I have been watching a lot of movies and living in Seoul is sort of like living in a movie. The surrealism of living in a land so foreign is like a movie. You think "that would never happen", but it is. Eventhough it is happening it doesn't really consciously enter your mind that it is happening.
I also read a note on facebook today that my friend posted. "In 2007" it was called. She made a list of all the things that happened in 2007. I realized that a lot has happened in 2007. The biggest event was moving to Seoul....I think that song of the soundtrack would be "Taking The Long Way Around" by the Dixie Chicks. It seems that everybody at home is settling down, but I am taking the long way around.
Another momentus moment of my 2007 was this past summer. Summer is always a great time for me. The sun is shining, I am happy and life seems to take a whole new meaning in the summer. Nothing matters in the summer, but everything matters at the same time. I guess my most fortunate event of Summer 2007 was meeting Laura and Kyle. It was strange how quickly we became friends. I find it even more strange how quickly I got attached to these two people. It was nice to recognize the genuity in these two people and get on the save wavelength and ride it out for a few months, and hopefully for years to come. Laura chose this song for the soundtrack "Parkdale" by Metric. Not so much the words, but the feeling of the song. It suits.
I am realizing how boring this post must be as it has nothing to do with an Asisan Adventure, but I think this year will be one with a lot of reflections and digestion of things that aren't in Asia. That will be one of the largest adventures.
I look at my blank walls and realize that this world is so small. Not in a Disney sense, but really, think about it. Where do you have friends living now? For me...Canada, USA, France, Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Colombia, Australia....that is a pretty large spread. Why do we leave our homelands? It is to seek irregularity? We are socialized that everybody is different and unique. Is that true? I think, and this is especially true for me, when you relize that you are like everybody else you seek out something that will make you different from your surroundings. I came to Korea. That makes me different from the majority of people from home. But now that I am in Korea with thousands of English speaking people from around the world...is it really that different? "Ordinary People" John Legend? Maybe.
I feel that some of us embrace regularity because it is safe. Some of us seek change because it isn't safe. I seek change because I have no idea what else to do. Sure, I can stay home and work and 11$ hour job, and get nowhere financially. I can see the world, but when I get home all I've done is see things. What is it all worth? I have no idea. What choices should a person make? "Do what makes you happy".....tried that..not sure if I am happy still. I am not feeling the same as I was at home...is that happy? As far as I know...yes...I could call this happy.
This entry has gotten a little too emo for my liking. I just have a lot of things racing through my mind while I am alone....would'a could'a should'a? Pretty much.